Rats!

Scampering at my feet today - a rat! And I did just like any other normal person would do... I jumped up on the counter and started to scream... I ran outside with my computer in hand... and I called for help.

Lucky for me there's a brave soul a few doors down that came back with me and entered first. She took my bike out of the bathroom and looked around to make sure it was all clear. Unfortunately that wasn't enough peace of mind. I grabbed my purse, put the closed sign on the door and got the fuck out of there.

I'm going to have a really hard time walking in there tomorrow.

bedroom window

I have my bedroom window open at night so I can hear the wind through the trees and the trains and the fog horns. I also hear the birds in the morning when they first chirp - early around here - lately about 5am. As much as I love birds and all their pretty sounds, it's the one downfall of an open window. Somehow the night noise feels more relaxing, it's a deeper sound, closer to the heartbeat - morning noise quite the opposite, more high pitched, more intense. Maybe it's my state of mind too? I wish there was more calm in the early hours, but life feels so rushed and anticipated at the beginning of the day, like there's always a thing to do. But at night - the day's all over, there's nothing left to do but sleep. Oh, and how I love to sleep.

nest

I'm taking the day slowly.

I never really woke up this morning because I never actually fell asleep - a problem that I've been having more and more of lately. I told Ron that laying in bed all night is not the same as sleeping. He told me that should be the name of a Modest Mouse album.

So, I'm taking it easy. I figure if I relax - a lot - then that could be pretty close to sleep.

I'm nesting today. Happy Easter.

hair flowers

Flowers should be worn in hair every day...

taxes, dreaded taxes

I finished my taxes today and I'm left with a rotten pit in my stomach because of the crazy amount I owe. Sigh... how am I going to pay for this?
The money comes and the money goes. It just never seems to build - the dream of a vacation again disappears. Sick, sick, sick about it.
Will this take me back to my funk? I really hope not. Blah.

and Sunday...

I've had the luxury of taking off on Sundays. I haven't been able to take Sundays off in eight months. It's been a real treat.  Ron and I now have this one special day a week together to do whatever we want. We usually take the day slow, sleep in, have a big breakfast, ride our bikes, read, you know, lazy Sunday stuff. But this past Sunday we went for it.
It was lovely out, absolutely freakin' lovely!!! We jumped on a 11:30 ferry to San Francisco and spend the day walking around the city, stopped for a glass of wine, popped in a bookstore, bought fancy cheese, tried on hats at The Hat Shop, took a photo at Niketown of us in front of the World Series champions trophy!!! Go Giants! We had a really, really, really great day. Back in Oakland we stopped at the Trappist for a round - SUCH good beer, and then we parked outside of Homeroom and tore up some Mac n' Cheese. When we got home it was still light out. We cozied up on the sofa, turned on the t.v., threatened to go on a bike ride - but we were too tired. We lasted until about 11pm - and to sleep we went.
It was a perfect day. I love all the amazing things that are available to me in the Bay Area. I really love living here. I feel incredibly lucky.

the bay

yummy, trappist!

Ron in downtown Oakland

Plates cleared at Homeroom

Finally

After a slow, slow, slow few weeks at the shop we finally had a very busy and promising day!

Hopefully the trend continues.

Lovely day in my neighborhood

It's been a slow day at the shop. Ok, it's been a slow WEEK! at the shop. I can only make the assumption that everyone is paying their taxes and holding off on spending. However that doesn't answer to why the foot traffic has dropped in tragic numbers as well. Maybe certain people just simply can't resist taking out their wallets if they stroll down a shop happy street. I know for me, it always feels like a big accomplishment when I've walk down College Avenue without spending a dime. Well, it certainly is pretty out and I wish I saw more people out of my window enjoying this day. - It would be fine if they popped in for a visit as well...

What I do

Instead of talking about it, what if I show you instead.

A little place I call home

I really love my city. I've lived in Oakland since 1996 and it's hard to imagine leaving here. I love the minds that live in the Bay Area. I love the artists and the thinkers and the comedians. I also love the dirt and the opossums and the noise. Last night I met Ron at the Trappist in downtown and I snapped some photos on our way home. Thought I'd share...

2011 funk OVER!

I'm coming out of the funk of all funks. I'm feeling much, much, MUCH better. I think even, dare I say, I'm feeling the best I've ever felt!?

When you've been in a funk for as long as I have feeling any sort of joy is mountain moving! And I'm feeling the joy - the sun is out, the mountains have moved.

Letter to my brother

Duncan, Duncan, Duncan...Dear Duncan,

If I could say one thing to you to change your mind what would that be? I've asked myself that question just about every day for the past 5 years. And just about every day for the past 5 years I've thought of you. How does that make you feel? Knowing that now I spend so much time thinking of you. Is that how you think I should be spending my time, filling my thoughts with you unable to concentrate on other parts of life? You know I'm not alone in this. We've all suffered so much with the loss of you.

When you appear in my dreams I don't get to hold onto you. I don't get to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and how I need you in my life. It never happens that way in dreams, you're just an image and a flash of an obscure moment in time, but that's all I have of you now.

Our family has changed now that you're gone. It's drifted... perhaps this would have been the natural cycle for us, but I don't truly believe that. I believe that we have something missing, you are missing, and we're all still searching for you, we're all fixated on you, obsessed with you, confused by you, and I personally feel very mad at you. You've caused a lot of pain.

us kids - Duncan with his tongue out.

This will always be - to be continued...