Tis the season! To be jolly?

Here we are, days from Christmas and how do we all feel? Overwhelmed? Busy? A little sad? Annoyed? Anxious? Or happy? How many of us actually feel genuine happiness right now, like other than kids?!

I personally feel like I've been drinking too much wine, too much heavy beer. I feel very busy at work. I feel like everyday that I don't buy a gift for someone that I'm saving money - but actually I'm just procrastinating and have yet to do any shopping. TONIGHT!!! I swear. I feel sad because I miss my brother, but I'm not going to talk about that. And I feel like I have so much obligation, so many places to be.

Don't I say every year - I'm just going to hop on an airplane and get outta dodge for the holidays - ? That's never happened. And ya know every year on Christmas night when I'm laying in bed, a little tipsy, with a touch of a headache, I think about how much fun those past 2 days have been and how much I love seeing my family and spending time with them.

So to all who are feeling the same ways that I am feeling now, anxious, overwhelmed, and busy, I wish you that same feeling on Christmas evening - may you all feel happy and loved.

Merry Christmas.

Bed

The only way I feel as if I've had a proper day off is if I've spent lots of time in bed, under the blankets, warm, in my pajamas.

My grandmother had a giant bed - my sister and I used to dress up in her silk nightgowns and lay in bed with her. I loved that as a kid. It's one of my very favorite childhood memories. I really loved my grandmother, she was a little nuts, but funny as hell and she really loved us kids, always made us feel really special. I always felt that out of all the grandchildren, she had 19, she liked my moms kids the most - there's probably a lot of truth to that!

My mom has a big bed - LOTS of pillows, and that smell - fresh, clean linens, like she's just changed the sheets. I love my moms bed. I love tucking under her covers and laying there with her, watching t.v., taking naps, talking, reading magazines. I've always felt bad for my brother - boys don't seem as comfortable laying around in bed with their moms, and for me it's the best place to hang out with her.

And of course, when I purchased a bed, my first real purchase as an adult, I bought a California King bed - the largest you can get. I love it so much. I love going to bed, I love waking up in bed, I love making my bed in the morning, and I love messing it up at night. Lately I've been sleeping a lot. 9 hours or more at night. It's insane. I can't seem to get enough rest. It must be because I'm always so busy from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep - bed is the only place where I can be quiet - alone, and not work.

Special ingredient/s

A homage to ingredients that get me! To all the fun extras on dishes that make the dish just that better.
This is my list...

1- Candied walnuts in an apple blue cheese salad.
2- Avocado and sprouts on a roasted turkey sandwich.
3- Drizzled olive oil and fresh crouton on tomato gazpacho.
4- A pickle on the side of any sandwich, hamburger, lunch entree at a restaurant.
5- Bananas on rice krispies.
6- Sauteed mushrooms on a cheeseburger.
7- Green peas in smoked salmon fettuccine.

I'm sure there's more - I'll add as they come to me.

Happy eating.

I miss you

There are many different ways in which to miss.

My sister for example, I miss her most of all. And of course she's the person I spend the most time with, outside of my live-in boyfriend. If I don't talk to Mandy for 3 days it feels that a lifetime has passed, even if our conversations have nothing to do with anything at all. I just miss her - I miss her voice, I miss her energy, I miss her 'yeah, what's up?' And nothing is ever up. I simply can't live without her, I can never miss her more than a few days, that's the limit. I give up, I have to hear her.

Now with Ron, my live-in boyfriend, different. I also miss him, and in silly, WAY silly ways. I miss him when I'm at work, I miss him sometimes in the mornings if he goes on long runs, and sometimes I miss him just if he's in the other room. I think it's because I really love him. I think it's because I really enjoy his company.

Mom - I miss her too, just like I miss Mandy. But different. Mom is with me all the time. I can't really explain it, other than I know we are connected in a very spiritual way. Not to say I'm not connected to Mandy and Ron in that way, because yes, I am - but with Mom it's different, more intense, more emotional. So I guess I can go longer without talking to her - longer without seeing her, because I feel her with me all the time - yet still, I see and talk to her often.

TV shows - ok, fine - maybe way different, but still I miss them. Like it's Friday night and I have to wait an entire week before I can watch another Top Chef - yeah, I miss that show.

And everything else is just guilt. It seems that I mix my missing with my conscience on all other accords. So I guess in a lot of ways my life is simple. I think to miss too much and too many would simply be too hard.