If I could say one thing to you to change your mind what would that be? I've asked myself that question just about every day for the past 5 years. And just about every day for the past 5 years I've thought of you. How does that make you feel? Knowing that now I spend so much time thinking of you. Is that how you think I should be spending my time, filling my thoughts with you unable to concentrate on other parts of life? You know I'm not alone in this. We've all suffered so much with the loss of you.
When you appear in my dreams I don't get to hold onto you. I don't get to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and how I need you in my life. It never happens that way in dreams, you're just an image and a flash of an obscure moment in time, but that's all I have of you now.
Our family has changed now that you're gone. It's drifted... perhaps this would have been the natural cycle for us, but I don't truly believe that. I believe that we have something missing, you are missing, and we're all still searching for you, we're all fixated on you, obsessed with you, confused by you, and I personally feel very mad at you. You've caused a lot of pain.
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| us kids - Duncan with his tongue out. |
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